bob emailed us some unofficial results today. unfortunately, i don't think we can post those results. results are boring anyway. i'm going to talk about buses and the things that occur on buses. team usa has been a member of the prestigious bus 12 crew throughout ipho, sharing this honor with vietnam, turkmenistan, ukraine, and canadia (not a typo). tensions were running high today due to excessive nectar consumption and random events at the bottom of the pacific ocean. as a result of these unhappy conditions, team usa preemptively provoked a savage pillow fight. our initial volley of no fewer than six or seven pillows was launched at all other teams in the vicinity. turkmenistan, vietnam, and ukraine fought bravely, albeit in vain, to repel our unceasing assault. canadia acquiesced supinely in the rear of the bus, cowering in fear and shame for their (fictitious) (so-called) country. after the dust (i.e., pillows) settled, a peace accord was struck, whereby all nations agreed that canadia sucked. this accord indeed included canadia itself, as represented by its team member dave, who can't pronounce his real name, as the indian team informed him. the united states' team continued their reign of awesomeness by planting a tree symbolizing our commmitment to peace and friendship in the camp we visited the previous day (thus demonstrating the non-linear nature of time). dave was there, having already defected to the u.s. team, playing an important role in complying with our frivolous demands, further demonstrating the fundamentally lame character of dave (and canadia and their people).
dave then informed us during the writing of this post that his leaders would kill him if they read this. yet, he did not deny the veracity of any of these statements. if you are a canadian leader, please do not read this post. dave is getting us milkshakes, and we would hate for him to be slayed for treason while gophering for the american team.